I was holding an interesting conversation with a good friend of mine and we were discussing healing from past trauma, whether it is a broken relationship, lost friendship, parental hurt, just general emotional trauma. As women, we got stuck on relationship trauma and this is what she said,
“It has not even been a year since the separation, so give it some time before moving on”.
My question is how much time does someone need to be considered healed before rekindling a spark or flame with someone else?
I personally believe that healing is an individual process and time is a limiting factor that hinders the healing process. Why put a time stamp on something that is solely dependent on our unique personality. Two individuals might have the same experience in a relationship but different outcomes. One individual might find the outcome to be more favorable to them and hence refreshing rather than devastated. Another individual might have had the same experience and the outcome would have been devastating and crippling. From the analogue given, it is evident that the person with the devastating experience might require a longer time to heal and supportive care to facilitate the process, whether it is counseling or some form of therapy.
With that being said, time should never be the measuring stick to determine how long the healing process would take. I have a good friend of mine who was in an intimate relationship for 10 years and they ended the relationship 4 years ago and she has not moved on yet. Deep within she wishes that the flame would be reignited. She is not healed from the loss of that relationship 4 years later. Each life lesson comes to teach us something and until we fathom what is being taught, we will never truly be healed from that trauma. The faster we learn, accept it for what it is and apply it to our everyday life the faster we will heal. This could take 4 years, 6 months or even one month, but it all comes down to individuality and our God-given ability to deal with and recover from challenges.
The things in life that we wish we would NEVER experience are the best life teachers when experienced. From these experiences, we grow, mature, heal and learn to love and be kind to each other. I find that our greatest creations are birth from pain. When we are experiencing pain or hurt, that is when we tap into our innermost being and draw from that well of strength that we never knew we had. We become innovative and we see life from a more mature perspective. However, the caveat to this statement lies in personal attributes, some people can become destructive, vindictive, and hateful when they experience hurt or pain forgetting or perhaps not focusing on the beauty beyond the pain. Just to reiterate, it has a lot to do with personality and personal attributes.
Anyway, getting back to my original question and thought, I think healing is an individual process and I don’t believe that we should put a time stamp on the healing process. Embrace the experience, learn from it and improve your overall life from the lesson. I think if someone wants to enter another relationship after 6 months of ending one then there should be no judgement there. What is most important is that healing from past trauma has occurred so that the same mistakes would not be repeated in the new relationship.
I would love to hear some of your thoughts on this topic, comment below please let’s have a conversation.